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Thread: application

  1. #1

    Default application

    This is an actual job application that a 75 year
    old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas.
    They hired him because he was so funny.

    NAME: George Martin

    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right
    woman (or at least, one who'll cooperate).

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice
    President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I
    was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying
    here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock
    options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If
    that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management
    hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
    collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday,Tuesday,
    and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
    they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had
    one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
    PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate
    question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
    RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the
    Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell
    me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - no.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
    Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb
    sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
    thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be
    doing that now.

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
    COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.


    SIGN HERE: Sagittarius

  2. #2
    Administrator Jetlag's Avatar
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    Default

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
    they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
    LOL

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